Resurrection

I am recovering from winter and my medication is balancing me out. My wife recently returned from a trip to the Dominican Republic. Yeah, seriously. She ditched me and split the country for some fun time for herself. Totally selfish myopic subhuman trash. I had an epiphany: I am bigger than this sorry fucking cretin. She is the villain, not me. I was miserable, depressed, unhappy and negative because of two genetic conditions. Despite knowing about these she abandoned me amidst them to fend for myself rather than assist me with any kind of love or compassion which any human would extend let alone a loved one. So, rather than taking it laying down and be diplomatic as I had been thus far. Rather than being a mopey, self-conscious, sissy I decided to give her both barrels of my not inconsiderable writing talent and what follows is the result of that:

Thus far I have still been pretty shaken up, wounded, cornered, feeling sorry for myself and in all other ways a pathetic wreck hindered by my other psychological disorder: SAD. Spring has sprung and I am once again a 500 Lbs. gorilla. I feel great and I am the man that you once loved. I am no longer on the defensive. Nor am I on the attack. One needs not attack that which poses him no threat at all. Truth be told, you are and have always been dramatically beneath me. I pity you and all the people that you have somehow managed to convince that you are in some way a decent person. Simply put: you aren’t. Your exploitation and abuse of my conditions was deplorable and reprehensible and rates you lower than my stepmother on the scale of people that I have utterly no respect for. You are human rubbish. I don’t hate you. That takes effort that you do not deserve, the fact that I am typing words to you is a gift. I felt as though you should know so that you make take measures in order to correct your life.

“Acting” – The best acting that you have ever done was convincing otherwise part way tolerable normal “good” people that you at least on par with them. You aren’t. I used to date actresses in [large North American city] who appeared on stage and in television (shitty local television) they weren’t Hollywood quality and they were vastly more talented than you. So, while you are out there investing all of your NOT FREE time entertaining senior citizens, you would do so much better to get an education or find a legitimate job. Your money is finite and by my estimation won’t make it to fall.

The only bad thing I ever did to you was be negative. I called you Felicia (a really annoying and perpetually angry wife of a mutual friend). I defended myself when you repeatedly challenged my depression while I was mixing my meds with alcohol. I admit that I physically held you down and yelled at you. I was not in my right mind and you were psychologically abusing someone who had a psychological disorder, good job, well done. That’s like screaming at an autistic child for being stupid after he’s accidentally had too much cough syrup. Go you!

So, I’ve never called you a name. I did have a bad reaction and was physical when I felt threatened by psych abuse. While worked up one night after mixing meds and alcohol I did run into you in a narrow hallway. On both of these occasions I was more distraught than you were afterward. I was very frightened. I was very disoriented. I was very confused.

I consistently insisted that you read the books I had on my disorders which you refused. You claimed to know about them already. Which you do not. No you don’t. No, you really don’t. NO. YOU DO NOT. JUST ACCEPT IT. You get derisive and dismissive about my disorders and angry about them. The man you said your vows to. This is how you treat him and his illnesses. In sickness and in health. With abuse. You are not even human at this point.

Felicia is a better person than you. You should wish that you were Felicia.

I feel better now that the seasons have changed. Where are you? Gone. All because you couldn’t take me at my worst. Well guess what? Marilyn was right. You don’t and didn’t deserve me at my best. You were an abusive asswad (I finally called you a name, but let’s be honest you deserved it). I am glad you are gone, I deserve vastly better than you. I made you nice meals, took you out, bought you really nice gifts including LOADS of clothes, said sweet things, wrote nice poems, wrote nice notes all over your facebook all the time, took you places, showed you things.

What did you do for me? Name ONE FUCKING THING, you ungrateful, indecent mollusk.

You got angry at me when I was negative and left me two weeks after valentines.

You know what I say? Good riddance. 2 years was way too long. My efforts were all completely wasted folly. All the memories I made with you are pure trash. I wish the whole universe could see how utterly shabby and disgraceful you are as a person. Were it not for the fact that I do not believe in publicly shaming people I would share it.

Please don’t reply. I don’t think I could handle the sheer peals of belly laughter I would seccumb to whilst dissecting your talk vomit.

Sincerely. The greatest man you never deserved for one second.

Notes: I am not sharing this publicly per se as I am here anonymously aside from a select few people I shared this blog with in deep trust. The more times I read it over the more sympathy I feel for her. She is in her mid thirties and she just discarded a man who admittedly has a few social flaws yet more than vastly makes up for them with a ridiculous plethora of sweet characteristics and useful skills.

My friend Jay pointed out to me that I don’t really drink much other than with her and when I was away from her I would text her religiously. Later she would comment: “Your texts were so cute and thoughtful and got cuter as you got drunker and you started misspelling words.”

I am thoughtful. I am kind. I care about everything. I am considerate. I am amazing and I am rare. I hate one woman on this whole planet: My stepmother. I disrespect very few, I don’t even use the word “bitch” I find it crude and disgusting. I don’t hate my wife, but it is impossible to respect that stupid bitch.

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