I’ve had a fire lit under my ass lately with regards to writing.  If I seem to be shirking my blog it is more than likely due to the fact that I have bigger more productive things to focus my writing efforts on.  Not that I won’t be writing here, only that my creative endeavours will be taking priority as they are more rewarding.  I will have a continued need to drain my mind of all things bipolar.  At present I actually feel super anxious.  I have yet to face the music at work and that has me really on edge.  With a hyperactive creative mind I find myself unconsciously concocting super-dramatized scenarios that are not in my favour and incredibly unpleasant.  I really do not look forward to going back to work.  There is no amount of drugs that doesn’t match a sedative/lethal dose that could make me feel more at ease with returning to that cess pool.  I have been able to distract myself by focusing most of this energy on creative writing however so it hasn’t been totally terrible.

I’m working on some high fantasy which I was super self-conscious about because I felt as though it was trashy.  It is the standard elves and goblins Tolkienesque type schlock.  Though, after going through amazons top selling list I feel much better about it and myself.  The puerile garbage that people fucking read these days disturbs the ever loving fuck out of me…  It gave me fuckloads of confidence, then at the same time stole a fair amount from me.  Sure, people read total abject fucking trash.  Yes, they are likely to read my shitty, high fantasy epic wading in the sea of other medieval fantasy junk out there.  Sadly, mine more than likely won’t stand out.  Nor if it does will it be appreciated for it’s style and the originality that it does present.  Bah, why do I overthink it.  All I really need to do is shit out a book.  Any damn book, good or bad and get past it.  Move on to the next one and so on.  The reason I am writing this particular story is because this is what is coming to me, I am simply following the idea that is coming to me.

I want to read more as well and I never was one to read much fantasy.  I always found it rather dubious and simplistic.  It never occurred to me that there are people out there that have a difficult time being creative and so the very simple concept of making shit up is complicated to them.  Here is all of fantasy in a nutshell:  Invent a race of people that is like humans with different dimensions, repeat as necessary.  Make some good, make some bad, make some neutral (these ones choose a side for the grand final battle).  Invent a system of magic, base it on colours or elements.  Maybe numbers or symbols, perhaps seasons or something completely whimsical, you decide!  This is fantasy after all!  Decide who can wield magic and how complicated that is.  Pick an underdog and make them the hero, everybody loves an idiot that triumphs despite being totally useless in all other ways (Frodo, Harry potter, Luke Skywalker… all really shitty heroes that were totally useless and haphazardly chosen for no real reason *destiny*).  Big scary, all-powerful bad guy.  A band of puckish, rag-tag good-guys.  A journey.  A battle.  Win.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…  I mean, this shit was cool when you were six.  If you hadn’t figured out that all of the big stories that you ever read and watched on the silver screen were one story by the age of twelve you are a tad stunted.  Or perhaps you hadn’t read Tolkien by then… Some kids are slow.  I forget.  Aside from all these things that they have in common they share another thing:  They do not have a female protagonist.  Or better still, protagonists.  Or better than this yet:  Anti-heroines.  Which is what my property features.  Strong female characters on the fringe or completely outside of society ultimately doing the right thing.  Throat-cutting, head-butting, heart-piercing, arrow-loosing, man-tracking, nose-breaking, ass-kicking women.  I’m rather excited about it.

I will be putting a fair amount of my time into that.  Hopefully I will come up for air now and then and things will improve for me.  Maybe with any luck this recent event at work will get the ball rolling toward that transfer I was looking for.  I doubt it but one can always hope.


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