I have been profoundly busy yet again. I feel like not maintaining this blog with any consistency defeats the purpose. I am still in the same relationship and find myself truthfully a little… stagnant? She is a wonderful girl, she really is. A fucking blessing. Really. Anyone would be seriously lucky to have her in their lives and yet here I am feeling kind of stale. I know that it isn’t her fault. It’s more than likely my disorder. I love her. She is super sweet and nice to be around, yet it gets to a point where for whatever reason I just want to be alone. I simply want to have my own space. The worst part being I only see her on weekends… So it isn’t as though she eats up all of my time or anything.
I catch myself thinking about my ex on occasion. I confess that I do miss her in the way that you miss someone that you’ve loved deeply. She stopped loving me about a month into our relationship. I find it incredible how women can shut that off entirely and permanently. Their total lack of sentiment. It is a male trait only, women do not possess this I am certain of it. I still, to this day, love every woman I have ever loved. Even the ones who have wronged me. You can rest assured that there isn’t a woman that I have loved who still loves me. No more than a friend at least. I’m still friends with a fair few of my exes. Which is a feat seeing as I have difficulty making lasting connections with people. I guess once you’ve been inside someone…
I caught some news about my ex and I guess she has taken up with a guy who is associated with drug use. No surprise there, she likes sketchy guys. She seems to have a thing for putting her children in jeopardy. And she was worried about ME. I could laugh but I am so used to the logical inconsistencies of this woman. I swear she wakes up and throws darts to make decisions. Oh, and she is a manager at her workplace. No joke. She can’t seem to make one reasonable decision in any aspect of her life that makes any bit of logical sense and yet her job is to make decisions for a living that affect the jobs of perhaps more than a dozen people. It’s laughable. I guess that’s why there is a lawsuit being leveled against her in that capacity. She used to gripe about it and expect me to commiserate. I never overly agreed with her but this seemed to upset her so eventually I just nodded and agreed until she stopped talking. I knew she was wrong. I genuinely hope that she herself seeks professional psychological assistance. She really does need it. I say this because I care about her and I want her to be well. She should be taking medication.
Moving on to new and important things. I have moved and now live in a house with some friends. My room is spectacularly decorated. New queen sized bed, Calvin Klein sheets. The room was small so I had to be super clever with furniture selection and layout. I went to college for art with the intention of going the design route (which I never finished) I’ve demonstrated in my room my knack for it. I am quite chuffed with myself. The colours are masculine without being tacky or typical. It is very modern. It makes for a very good sexual experience as while it is masculine it is not uninviting to women. The kind of manly women desire like a straight man who is well dressed. There are no sports knick knacks or posters of scantily clad women on the walls. Though there will be tasteful nudes from a friend’s art show soon.
My motorcycle has yet to be touched due to lack of funding. I have had no time for that nor archery. Vacation is coming up. I intend to lay low and have a staycation with beer and maybe some creative writing.
Just a short update to keep the boulder rolling for now.