Tangled Web/House of Cards

A new person has entered my life and brought with her joy and a complication.  For the sake of this blog I’m going to call her Kali.  She is the girlfriend of a co worker and the mutual friend of other co workers, which is to say that she has met and befriended people in my working circle through her boyfriend, my colleague.  I had been seeing her on social media and hearing about her from friends and friends of friends for a while and my interest was piqued.  She has unusually dyed hair in a bright unnatural colour.  She has an incredible talent with practical arts and crafts and makes all kinds of really cool things like t-shirts and decorations.  She does wild makeup and does little cosplays to amuse herself.  In short, she’s unusual, rare, fun and zany.  She also happens to be unusually tall at almost six feet and ridiculously gorgeous.

Now I have been observing from afar knowing that I have a problem with women as I do and trying my best to behave.  Though, seeing as we run in similar circles it was inevitable that I was going to run across her eventually.  We met for short periods here and there but nothing substantial.  Not enough to really learn about one another or carry on a conversation.  Until a mutual friend had a birthday.  For which she had made all her own gifts all to suit the theme of the party and totally the highlight of the night I might add.  They floored everyone.  Completely unique and creative.  Jaw-dropping.

It so happens her boyfriend requests that I drive her as he won’t be attending… Well, okay, we live nearby.  No problem.  We instantly strike up conversation and it becomes clear to me that she is undiagnosed for bipolar.  She has all the symptoms, the same rhythm as I do almost exactly.  Right down to the timing.  She even reacted poorly to SSRI’s.  Though, I’m no doctor…  She complains that she feels like her psychologist is perhaps not treating her properly.  I ask her if she had any trauma in her life, she says yes and gives me some background.  I ask if she told her shrink this, she says she did.  I reply that I think this might be the issue.  The psychologist sees depression and erratic behaviour and moodiness from a woman who had a traumatic past and they are dismissing the genetic component bypassing the possibility that is an inherent disposition and predilection toward bipolar.  The shrink is instead attributing all her problems to the trauma because they are trained to think horse when they hear hooves.  They choose the most convenient answer.

We hit it off famously she and I.  After that night we correspond through social media for a week or two.  We have so much in common.  I help her decide on and design her halloween costume.  She likes the same music, movies, videogames.  We are gelflings, the two remaining members of our kind.  I have never identified with another living person so completely as I have with her.  We become best friends in less than two weeks.  We are fascinated with our similarities.  Cut from the same cloth.  Mirror images, narcissistically  pair bonding due to our unique and unusual sameness.  Then little by little this becomes a crush.

Which is where we are now.  I have a girlfriend and she lives with her significant other.  We have way stronger feelings for one another than we do for the people in our actual relationships.  I don’t want to disrupt her life and making any sudden movements would cause serious problems for everyone involved.  So here we are, a house of cards built on a spiderweb.

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